A little while back I asked the question “What is the worst thing someone has said to you while battling Infertility and Reproductive Disorders?” I asked this question as a woman who has gone through Stage IV Endometriosis and Infertility. I was so humbled and honored by the out pouring of responses. For me, I posted 2 different phrases. 1)You don’t want kids? 2) You don’t look sick. Even after battling everything in my life and eventually being blesses with a beautiful child, I still had insensitive comments coming at me. For instance, “You’re selfish or only having one child” or “You’ll regret only having one child”. How would you know I always thought. You have no idea my struggles or what I have been through.

So, I went through all the comments and came up with a list of the most common answers. Which even now as I write them, I can remember how I felt when those same things were said to me. So here we go:

1) Just Adopt

2) Just Relax

3) Stop Trying

4) You don’t look sick

5) Stop whining

6) Everything happens for a reason

7) My friend tried xyz and now she’s pregnant

Some runners up are “I know how you feel, I get cramps too” and this one people have actually said to me “I know how you feel, it took me like 3 months to get pregnant”. Of course, then you know exactly how I feel, said with much eye rolling.

OK, so now what? Unfortunately, we can’t control what comes out of people’s mouths. As much as we’d like too. And I know while we are going through all these things it also can feel like you can’t control anything happening to you right now. But is that true, really? Honestly ask yourself that. Or ask yourself, so what can I control? And though the answer may seem so simple, putting it into action can be anything but.

So, what is the answer you ask? Well, your reaction. Wait, what? How does that work? Well for me, I decided instead of getting angry about it and then keep playing it over and over in my head, which only affected me and drove my energy down, I would let it go. How exactly? What worked best for me was to be open and honest about what I was going through. That did several things. It made me not feel ashamed or embarrassed about what I was going through. It also helped to educate people about this condition. So, I turned it into a learning experience. I found that most people, but not all unfortunately, really don’t mean to be hurtful or malicious.

But this is me and this is what I found most helpful. You, maybe not so much. You need to find what works best for you. Since we are all individuals. The most important thing to remember is “You Have A Choice, Always”. You get to choose how you respond to these things. You get to choose whether you want to stay negative and angry or move onward and upward. I like to pose this question when people talk about how someone did or said something that really mad them upset. Would you go to them for advice? If the answer is no, then why give them the power over you to control how you feel.

Here’s another idea. If you are not comfortable talking to others, then write the whole story down as you remember. I mean really write. Pen to paper. This can really give you clarity and keep the facts accurate. Then you can look at it and choose whether this is really something you want to spend time and energy on.

Lastly, if all else fails. Find a support group. Find others going through things which are similar to you. Sometimes it helps to be around others that have no prior judgement of us. A totally unbiased person or group. And vent to them. Just getting it out can be very cathartic and help extinguish all the negative emotion and anger.

Jessica L Conrad is a Certified Professional Coach specializing in helping women with Fertility and Reproductive Disorders find clarity and direction. To learn more please call 888-934-5264 or visit  jessicalconrad.com